Mike: I wonder how the protest is going.
Crow: Yeah, me, too. Let's check in with Pearl and find out.
{Mike hits the Mads' Signal button.}
{Castle Forrester}
{The protesters are still in the Great Hall. Several of the signs have now been destroyed. Katjar is still beating the crap out of Bobo, but now she has been joined by Vornoff, Raven, and Delenn. Observer is managing to hold the rest of the crowd at bay with his mind. Pearl has distanced herself from the others.}
Pearl: This is all your fault, Nelson!
{SOL}
Dani: Him or me?
{Castle Forrester}
Pearl: Both of you!
{SOL}
Mike: Hey, what did I do?
{Castle Forrester}
Zelphi: You leave him alone, you. . . you. . . you mean person, you!
{Steffi and Sherrybot roll their eyes.}
Sherrybot: Give it a rest, Zelphi.
Zelphi: But--
Steffi: She's right. We're all getting a little sick of your "my Mikey's in trouble" talk.
{SOL}
Crow: "Mikey"?
Mike: Shut up.
Dani: Now you know what I had to listen to the entire trip to the castle!
{Castle Forrester}
Stargazerlord: Will you three knock it off? I've got a plan. {to Observer} Listen, Mr. Observer, those four {indicates Katjar, Vornoff, Raven, and Delenn} may be a little violent, but the rest of us are passafists!
Slip Up: We are? {suddenly realizes the plan} Yeah, we are!
TENAHA1: Since we mean you no harm, maybe you could just, you know, let us go?
Observer: Well, I don't know. . .
Sherrybot: {gets in on the act} Oh, come on! What could we possibly do?
{Observer thinks for a moment, then does that head-bob thing and releases the group. They immediately jump him.}
Observer: Ow! Oof! I thought you said--
Stargazerlord: I am, but they're not! GET HIM!
{The crowd attacks full-force. Steffi and Zelphi start towards Pearl.}
Pearl: You are dead meat after this, Nelsons! I will send you the worst movie I can find!
{She hits the button just as Steffi lunges at her.}
{SOL}
{The siblings and the bots look stunned.}
Dani: {after a minute} I'm blaming you for this, Mike.
Mike: What?!
Crow: She's right. If your little ex down there wasn't looking out for you. . .
Mike: Bite me.
{Movie Sign starts wailing once more.}
Dani: Knock it off, you guys, it's screenplay sign!
{She shoves all of the guys towards the theater.}
{6. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .Theater}
>Jump-cut to the edge of the forest.
Crow: Why don't you just jump-cut over the edge of a cliff and die! All of you!
Dani: Harsh. Remind me to stay on your good side!
>The Venusian sees them run off.
Servo: . . . into a cave, where they are eaten by wolves. The end.
{Crow snickers.}
>He materializes the radio once again.)
>Annihilator: (voice) This is Annihilator, zeal-2,
Mike: B-I-N-G-O.
{The bots snicker. Dani just shakes her head.}
>receiving message. Continue report, Scout.
>The Venusian: Annihilator, I have found the others.
>Annihilator: (voice)
Crow: {Annihilator} Do they have the stuff?
Mike: Don't start.
>Good. We will land tomorrow morning.
Dani: Whatever day that happens to be.
Mike: Let's go with Monday.
Dani: Cool. I hate Mondays!
>Them we shall
Servo: "Them we shall"?
>destroy the final earth beings. You have done well, earth scout.
Crow: I've never heard of Sailor Earth.
Servo: She's one of the more obscure Sailor Scouts.
Dani: You know, like Sailor Sun.
Mike: Now you've got my sister doing that! No more Sailor Moon riffs, anyone!
>I shall give you a single request for your success.
>The Venusian: I wish to spare a earth being.
Mike: {Venusian} Just give me a second to find the "n".
>Annihilator: (voice) Which one?
Servo: {Venusian} Colman, he's so dreamy!
{The others laugh.}
>The Venusian: The one they call "Evelyn".
Crow: And this is now fully a rip-off of Robot Monster!
Dani: Is that the one where the robot looks like he's wearing a parka and has a fishbowl for a head?
Crow: Yeah. You've seen it?
Dani: No, but I've heard about it.
>Annihilator: (voice) Very well. We shall readjust our weapons so that they cannot harm the girl. We shall land in the morning. That is all. Over and out.
>(Jump-cut to the other base. Jackson has joined Colman on the handheld bombs.)
>Colman: (flicks a switch)
Servo: KAPOW!
Crow: {Colman} Oops! Sorry, guys!
{Mike snickers.}
>Well, that should do it.
>Jackson: We have enough bombs to destroy the scout and any other aliens that might land here.
Dani: {Jackson} As long as there are only ten of them, that is.
>Colman: Well, I think that tonight might be the first time in a long while that I may be able to sleep well. Good night.
>Jackson: Good night, Colman!
Mike: Good night, John Boy!
Dani: Good night, Moon!
Servo: Good night, Chief!
Crow: Good night, McCloud!
>(They go to sleep. Jump-cut to Roger and Evelyn's room.
Crow: Allllllllright! Here we go!
{Mike covers Crow's eyes.}
Mike: You are not going there! Understood?
Crow: {dejected} Okay.
{Mike uncovers Crow's eyes.}
>Roger and Evelyn are talking.)
Dani: Less talk, more action! And I mean let's get into the NC-17 stuff!
Mike: Et tu, Danielle?
Dani: Sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes!
Servo: Great, now we've got two of 'em!
>Evelyn: So mich has happened in since such a few days ago.
Servo: Who's Mitch?
>Roger: Don't worry. Soon the war will be over, and things will be back to normal.
>Evelyn: Poor Rodriguez. He didn't deserve to die.
Servo: Sure he did! You all deserve it!
Crow: Where's a supernova when you need it? We could just jump-cut all of 'em there and be done with this!
>Roger: At least he will not have to suffer going through the war any more.
Mike: {Roger} Lucky stiff.
{Dani laughs.}
Crow: Ouch! That was pretty low, Mike.
>(He pauses.) Would you like to join me out by the lake?
>Evelyn: Is it safe?
Servo: No, it's a--
Mike and Crow: NO!
>Roger: What could go wrong?
Dani: You mean, besides everything?
>Evelyn: I would love to.
>(They grab each others hands and walk outside. Jump-cut to the lake.
Servo: Correction. Jump-cut into the lake, where Roger and Evelyn's bloated corpses are floating to the surface. . .
Mike: That was very dark, Servo.
>ROger and Evelyn are walking along the edge.
Dani: Hurry! Push them in! Push them in and end the story!
>They look at each other and smile. Jump-cut to a nearby apple orchard. Evelyn picks an apple for Roger to eat.
Crow: These jump-cuts are making me dizzy!
>He takes a bite and smiles. He looks at Evelyn happily. Brief shot of the moon.
Servo: Is it a full moon?
Crow: I call no Werewolf riffs!
Servo: Aw, man!
>Then we see Roger and Evelyn kissing each other passionately. They lie down, and continue kissing. Fade out.
Dani: Boo!
Crow: It was just getting to the good part!
>The next morning, the Venusian is waiting for the ship to land.
Mike: He is looking at his watch and tapping his foot.
Crow: {Venusian} Come on, come on, I ain't got all day!
>A green glowing pod finally lands. The Annihilator and his crew walk out.)
>The Venusian: Finally, Annihilator, we meet.
>Annihilator: Good. Exactly where are the final earth humans waiting?
Dani: {Venusian} They're waiting for us? I thought they didn't like us!
>The Venusian: In the building next to the forked river.
>Annihilator: Good. We shall proceed there immediately.
>(The troops begin to walk towards the building.
Mike: I always thought immediately meant get your ass in gear!
Crow: They should at least be jogging!
>Jump-cut to the base. Jackson and Colman are looking out the window.
Servo: {Jackson} Damn, they're here early! Do we have any of the hors d'oeuvres ready?
>Ralph and Cissy walk up to them.)
>Jackson: Here they come. Gather up the bombs!
>Colman: Wait a minute. Where are Roger and Evelyn?
Crow: Who gives a sh--
{Mike clamps Crow's beak shut.}
>Jackson: I don't know! We've got to find them! Quick, load up the bombs!
>Ralph: What's going on?
Dani: Didn't we do this one already?
>(Jump-cut to the lakeside. Roger and Evelyn are kissing and talking.
Crow: Augh! MANOS flashback!
Servo: They found a car?
{Dani looks at her brother, thoroughly confused.}
Mike: Trust me, you don't wanna know!
>Suddenly, the scout walks up to them Evelyn screams.
Crow: Punctuation, dammit!
Dani: Hey, down, boy!
>Roger gets up to fight him, but the Venusian knocks him over. Roger's face is severely burnt. He runs off.
Servo: {Roger} Mommy! The Venusian hurt me!
Dani: {motherly tone} Well, I'll just have to go talk to his mother!
{Crow snickers.}
>Evelyn screams and kicks as the Venusian carries him off.
Mike: What the hell?
Crow: I think that's supposed to be "her".
>Jump-cut to the base. Roger rushes up to Jackson and Colman, who are still loading the bombs.)
>Roger: The Venusian! He found us!
>Colman: We know! And there are more!
>Roger: More?
>Jackson: Where is Evelyn?
Servo: {Roger} Answer my question first, dammit!
>Roger: she was captured! The alien wants her alive! I came to warn you!
>Jackson: Come on! We've got some bombs!
>Colman: (to the children) Quickly, children! We must save Evelyn!
Dani: {Cissy} Just let me get my Marine Corps Barbie here and I'll be all set!
{Servo laughs.}
>(They run off. Jump-cut to the main Venusian group. The scout approaches with Evelyn in his arms.)
Crow: {Venusian} She followed me home, can I keep her?
>The Venusian: They will be coming for her.
>Annihilator: And when they do, we will destroy them!
>The Venusian: (to Evelyn) and now you are mine!
Dani: Please, I'm begging you, USE THE DAMN SHIFT KEY!!
>Evelyn: Get away from me, you monster!
>(Roger, Jackson, and Colman approach with the children behind them.0
Crow: {Ralph} I'm hungry!
Mike: {Cissy} Are we there yet?
Servo: Will you two cut that out?!
>Colman: (whispers to the children) Stay close behind us. As long as you are behind us, they cannot harm you.
Dani: {Colman} I think.
>Jackson: We'll let loose with a barrage of bombs. That'll kill 'em.
>Annihilator: Soldiers! Kill the earth men!
>(They draw closer.)
>Roger: On 3. 1. . .2. . .3!!!
Crow: Well, now we know why Roger works in a bank.
Servo: {sings} Easy as 1-2-3!
>(The men begin throwing their antimatter bombs. They hit a few aliens, and they blow up.
{All laugh.}
Dani: So, pissing off an entire alien race is the way to save the world?
>One of the aliens hits Jackson with a laser, and he falls over, motionless.
Crow: *ahem* "One of the aliens hits Jackson with a laser, and he falls over, dead."
Servo: Yeah, that sounds much better.
>Colman grabs him. Roger and Colman continue to throw bombs. Many of the aliens are destroyed. Evelyn manages to wrestle free of the scout's clutches.
Servo: {Evelyn} Hi keeba!
{Dani giggles.}
>She runs over to the side of a tree and tends to Jackson, who is badly hurt.
Mike: Ah, I thought he was dead.
>Colman and Roger keep throwing bombs. One of them hits the Annihilator. Evelyn watches in horror as the bombing continues until nearly all the aliens are gone. Fade out.
Crow: {eagerly} Is that it? Is it over?
Mike: Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!
>Evelyn wakes up from bed and looks at the clock.
Servo: The hell?
Dani: {grumpily} If that was just a dream, I swear I'll scream!
>It is 6:45. Roger walks up to her.)
>Roger: Hi, honey! It's time to go to work!
>Evelyn: (to herself) So it was all a dream. . .
{True to her word, Dani screams. Mike turns pale and falls out of his seat.}
Crow: Mike? Are you okay?
{silence}
Servo: Mike? Honey?
{silence}
Dani: Bro?
{again, silence}
Crow: Oh, this is just great!
>Roger: Sweetie? . . .
>Evelyn: Roger?
>Roger: Yes, dear?
>Evelyn: I don't feel too well. Let's take a day off.
Servo: And the story starts all over again.
Dani: Mike! Get up!
>Roger: Sure. What do you want to do?
Crow: That's it!
{Crow drops out of his seat and disappears. After a brief pause, Mike shouts in pain.}
Mike: {voice} Crow! What was that for?
Crow: {voice} I had to wake you up somehow.
{Crow and Mike climb back into their seats.}
Servo: Well, you didn't miss much.
Mike: I missed the entire plot.
Dani: What plot?
>Evelyn: Let's go spelunking. . . in the deepest cave we can find.
Mike: Oh, my God, here we go again!
>(They walk, hand in hand, down the hallway. Pan up to the sky, where it suddenly flashes,
M&TB: The Amazing Rando!
Dani: I am so out of the loop right now!
Crow: I'll tell you about it later.
>and a group of Venusian fly towards the screen.)
>THE END
{All cheer.}
Servo: Woohoo!
Mike: It's finally over!
Crow: Huzzah!
Dani: Oh, sweet freedom from this screenplay!
{Mike picks up Servo and the quartet exits the theater.}
{1. . .2. . .3 . .4. . .5. . .6. . .Dogbone.}
{Mike and Servo are on the bridge with Gypsy. Crow and Dani enter. They've obviously had a chance to talk about some things.}
Dani: Three worlds? What the hell is your deal?
Mike: Crow!
Crow: Hey, she asked what's been going on around here, so I told her.
Gypsy: The Mads are calling, Mike. Should I answer?
Mike: Yeah, go ahead, Gyps.
{Gypsy hits the button with her head.}
{Castle Forrester}
{Pearl, the Observer, and Bobo look a little worse for wear. The protesters are gone, although the Great Hall has been totally trashed and several broken signs are littering the ground.}
Observer: Hello, Mike. We finally managed to get rid of those horrid protesters. It should take them a while to get back from the Outback.
{SOL}
Dani: You sent them to Australia?!
{Castle Forrester}
Pearl: It was the best we could come up with. Now, you are going to suffer so bad! I'm going to get Son of Corman on the phone. . .
{As she is talking, a young man with a sleepy appearance [Son of Corman himself] walks into the Great Hall. He looks at the damage surrounding him, then turns to face Pearl and her sidekicks.}
Pearl: (continues) . . . and have him send me the rest of The Venusian Chronicles, and then you will have to read them the entire way through without any editing whatsoever!
Corman: WHAT?!
{The Mads turn around and see Son of Corman. They freeze.}
Pearl: Corman! We were just, uh--
Corman: Dani was right about you! I was such an idiot for selling those scripts to you!
{SOL}
Dani: Uh, Corman? Little problem.
{Castle Forrester}
Corman: Dani? What are you doing up there?
Pearl: She has a little 'tude problem. Now, Corman, if you would give me those Chronicles. . .
{Corman thinks for a moment.}
Corman: No.
Pearl: No?!
Corman: That's what I said. And you can forget about looking for them! They're hidden in a very safe place, somewhere you'd never look!
Pearl: Give me those scripts!
Corman: Bite me!
Pearl: Brain Drain! Send this smart-mouthed punk up to the Satellite! Maybe that will improve his attitude a little!
{Observer Sound Effect as we fade out.}
>>STINGER: (in a Mexican accent) Get out of here! I can't hold it much longer!