{Gypsy is alone on the bridge.}

Gypsy: Is this really necessary, Tom?

Servo: {off-screen} Yeah! Now just say your lines!

Gypsy: Oh, okay. *ahem* Welcome once again to the Satellite of Love. We are proud to present our very own Thomas Servo, Crow T. Robot, and Michael J. Nelson with a song based on today's experiment.

{Servo hovers into the shot. He is wearing a T-shirt and jeans that are pretty tattered.}

Servo: Thank you. The lovely Gypsy, ladies and gentlemen!

Gypsy: Whatever. I'm going back to work.

{She slithers off.}

Servo: Today, we'll be performing a little number about--

{He finally notices that he is the only one on the bridge.}

Come on, guys! You promised!

Crow: {off-screen} I'm not coming out there!

Mike: {same as Crow} He's got a point, Servo. These costumes aren't the greatest.

Servo: Quit complaining! I just stuck to the script. You should be glad I didn't put both of you in skirts! Now get out here!

{Mike steps into the shot, dragging a reluctant Crow. Mike is dressed in nothing but gray suit pants, while Crow has been stuck in a very short skirt and a few strips of fabric that are supposed to be a shirt.}

Crow: I feel ridiculous!

Servo: Oh, you look fine!

Crow: Really?

Mike: Well, you are the thinnest one here. . .

Crow: This skirt doesn't make me look too hippy, does it?

Servo: {exasperated} Knock it off so we can do the damn song!!

Mike: Okay, geez, Servo!

{Music begins. It sounds suspiciously like Meredith Brooks' Bitch.}

Servo: Venusians came today/Blew up the whole world but you know that it's okay/We all just hid inside a bank vault and fell all over the place/Uh, they came from space.

Crow: {glaring at Servo over the last line} We know we shoulda died/But then nobody would have--I am NOT saying that!

Servo: Crow! You have to!

Crow: I do not!

Mike: Just skip to the chorus part, okay?

Servo: {whiny} Okay.

All: It's a bitch, we don't get it/And we don't want to be in it/Son of Corman put us here

Crow: God, I sure could use a beer!

Mike: I'm with you.

Servo: Hey, me, too.

All: The torture should be over soon/And we wouldn't want it any other way!

{The music fades out.}

Servo: Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Crow: Yes! Can I go change now, Mike?

{Movie Sign begins to wail.}


{Everyone rushes for the theater.}

{6. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .Theater.}

>(Jump-cut to the end of the tunnel. Evelyn, Roger, and Colman get out.)

Servo: They get knocked down, but they get up again.

Crow: You're never gonna keep them down.

Mike: If I hear one more reference to "Tubthumper," I'm gonna take away your ChumbaWamba CD!

>Evelyn: Jeepers. . .

{All laugh.}

Mike: {Shaggy} Scooby-doo! Where are you?

Crow: {Scooby} Rover rere!

>Roger: It's beautiful. . .

Servo: {sings} Everything is beautiful. . .

>(We see the base. It is huge. The others get into the picture.)

>Colman: Well, what are you waiting for? We made it this far!

>(They walk along. Jump-cut to later,

Crow: I say we just jump-cut to the end and get outta here!

Mike: It's almost over, Crow.

Crow: You said that ten minutes ago!

Mike: Okay, I promise, it's almost over.

Crow: Promise?

{Mike nods.}

>among the big buildings. All of them are walking along and looking at the buildings.)

Mike: The Empire State Building?

Servo: The Sears Tower?

Crow: The Space Needle?

>Roger: Is anyone still alive?

Mike: {Colman} Uh, hello? Remember me? The guy who kidnapped--er, saved your life?

Servo: {Evelyn} Honey! Don't act like I'm not here!

>Rodriguez: (voice, in a Mexican accent) Reach for the sky!

>(Roger, Evelyn, and Colman hold their hands up.)

All: {sing} Hold your head up, ahh, hold your head up. . .

>Colman: Who are you?

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) My name is

Mike: Inego Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>Rodriguez. I am one of the last survivors of the destruction of Earth.

>Evelyn: (happily) Then there are others!

Crow: {Evelyn} Now I can dump your sorry ass!

>Colman: Than that means there are more!

All: No!

Mike: What was your first clue, Einstein?

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) Are you a spy for the Venusians?

>Roger: Why would we spy for the same people who destroyed our civilization?

{The bots look at Mike. He shrugs.}

Mike: Better dental plan?

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) You may have wished to have been spared.

>Colman: Rodriguez, it's me! Colman!

Servo: {Mexican accent} Colman who?

Crow: Can I hit him, Mike? Please? Please say I can hit him!

Mike: No.

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) Colman? You survived?

>Colman: Yes! I managed to save these two healthy young newlyweds.

{All laugh.}

Crow: What are they, a couple of race horses?

>How many more are there?

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) Three more. Jackson. Ralph, and Cissy.

>Colman: Where are they?

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent)


>In the main building. Come on. Let's go.

>(They walk off. Jump-cut to the main building. Jackson, a black scientist

Mike: Tito?

Servo: Germain?

Crow: LaToya?

Mike: That's not even funny, Crow. It's downright scary!

>is working on something when Rodriguez, Roger, Evelyn, and Colman walk in. Jackson turns >around to look at them.)

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) I found some survivors!

Mike: {Rodriguez} Actually, they found me, but anyway. . .

>Jackson: Thank heavens. Then we aren't the last people left on Earth.

Servo: Man! Everyone in this script took stupid pills this morning!

>Colman: Where are Ralph and Cissy?

>(Two little children [Ralph and Cissy] run in.)

>Ralph: Wow!

>Cissy: Are these our new parents?

>Ralph: Are you going to bake cookies for us and read us bedtime stories and play with us?

>Cissy: Please?????

Crow: Can we jump-cut these kids into a black hole?

Mike: Crow. . .

Crow: {sighs} I know, it's almost over.

>Evelyn: (kneels, while chuckling) Don't worry. We'll do all of this.

>(Roger picks up Ralph in his hands.)

Servo: Whoa! Now that's what I call a little child!

Mike: {tiny child's voice} Will you be my daddy?

{Crow snickers.}

>Roger: So these little rascals

{All begin humming The Little Rascal theme.}

>are the last remaining children left on Earth?

>Jackson: Yes. The Venusians spared no one in their attack, not even children.

Servo: {whimpers} B-but what about the Powerpuff Girls?

Crow: {whimpers} Or Dexter and Dee-Dee?

Mike: That's it, no more Cartoon Network, either!

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent)


{The rest of this outburst is cut off as Mike clamps Crow's beak shut.}

Mike: We know, we know!

>And what about Jason Macleod? Have you contacted him yet?

{All whistle and look around innocently.}

>Colman: He sacrificed himself so that he could hide the information.

>Jackson: Poor Macleod. He was a great scientist.

Crow: But I thought he was immortal.

Mike: I think that's a different Macleod.

>Colman: Were you able to repair any of the equipment after the blast?

>Jackson: The viewing screen.

Crow: But all we can get are reruns of Lost in Space.

Mike: And there it is, Shameless SciFi Channel Plug #3.

>From underground, we can search the landscape to see if the aliens are coming.

Servo: {Jackson} Or we could just watch Thriller again. That brother of mine is great!

Crow: {quietly to Mike} This had better be over soon, Mike. We're starting to lose him.

>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent)

Servo: You quiero Taco Bell.

{Crow glares at Mike as if he's to blame.}

Mike: Servo? Come back to us, buddy.

>In fact, it's about time for the hourly search.

>Jackson: All right. Let's turn it on.

>Ralph: Are we going to watch Captain Kangaroo?

Servo: Sure! Let's all watch Captain Kangaroo!

{He begins laughing insanely. Mike grabs the red bot and shakes him.}


Servo: {normal again} Huh? Something wrong?

Crow: You snapped.

Servo: I did?

Mike: Like a twig.

Servo: Wow. {pause} Let's hope Pearl doesn't find the rest of this for a looooooong time!

>(All of them gather around the viewing screen. Jackson turns it on.

Crow: {TV reporter} This just in! The Venusians are attacking! Repeat--the Venuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mike: {Jackson} Hey, I've seen this already!

{Servo laughs.}

>It shows the landscape. Suddenly, the sky flashes, and the Venusian scout appears.)

>Roger: (grabs Evelyn by the shoulders) The Venusian!

>Evelyn: (horrified) Yes!

Servo: Why's she so scared? The moron flew right over their heads the last time!

Crow: Maybe it looks like Adam Sandler?

{All shudder.}

>The Venusian: (voice)

Mike: So, let me get this straight. The Venusian, the guy everyone is so worked up over, is a VOICE?

Crow: Maybe it has Prince's voice.

Servo: {sings as Prince} You don't have to be rich to be my girl. . .

>Attention, humans! This is the Venusian speaking.

All: No!

Crow: I thought it was Al Gore!

>I have finally spotted you on my scanners. When I find you, I will destroy you.

>Jackson: You cannot find us yet. We are hidden from your deadly beams. You can see us, and >you can hear us, but you cannot find our base.

Mike: {Jackson} Nyah, nyah, nyah nyah, nyah!

{The bots snicker.}

>The Venusian: (voice) If you are trying to frighten me with you schemes, you are wasting your >time. You are only prolonging the inevitable. I will destroy your people!

Crow: Oh, sure! Like he did such a great job destroying everyone the last time!

>I have survived your antimatter-bomb raid because I have adapted.

>Colman: You lie! The only reason you are alive is because you were searching a different area when the bomb landed.

Mike: Oh, can we please drop the subject of areas altogether?


Crow: Hey! It's over!

Mike: Didn't I tell you? Let's go.

{Mike picks up Servo and the trio exits the theater.}

{1. . .2. . .3. . .4. . .5. . .6. . .Dogbone.}

{The costumes from earlier are gone, and everything is back to normal [whatever that is!].}

Servo: Hey, Mike, how come you didn't lose it at any point during this script?

Mike: I just kept telling myself that it was almost over.

Crow: The entire time?

Mike: Yeah.

{Mads' Light flashes.}

Mike: Oh, great, Pearl's calling again.

Servo: So, it really works?

{Castle Forrester}

{Pearl, the Observer, and Bobo are sitting at a table. The papers that Bobo had earlier are scattered over the entire surface, and all three are reading intently.}

Bobo: How about The Fly?

Pearl: {thinking} 50's version or 80's version?

Bobo: Hmmm. Doesn't say.

Pearl: Okay, mark it.

{Bobo highlights the entry as Pearl notices M&TB.}

Oh, hi, Nelson. I hope you enjoyed your little break from the normal routine, because we have found a TON of movies to send to you now.

Observer: Here's one, Pearl--Phantom of the Mall.

Pearl: Sounds bad--make a note of it, Bleachy.

Observer: I already have, with my mind, of course.

Pearl: Of course. {to M&TB} Until next time, Nelson--

Bobo: Ooh, ooh! The Puppetmaster series!

Pearl: Hey, I'm talking to Mike right now, Bobo! Until next time, Nelson. . . . {long pause} Brain Guy, cut the transmission!

{Closing credits.}

STINGER: Jeepers. . .

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