{Gypsy is alone on the bridge.}
Gypsy: Is this really necessary, Tom?
Servo: {off-screen} Yeah! Now just say your lines!
Gypsy: Oh, okay. *ahem* Welcome once again to the Satellite of Love. We are proud to present our very own Thomas Servo, Crow T. Robot, and Michael J. Nelson with a song based on today's experiment.
{Servo hovers into the shot. He is wearing a T-shirt and jeans that are pretty tattered.}
Servo: Thank you. The lovely Gypsy, ladies and gentlemen!
Gypsy: Whatever. I'm going back to work.
{She slithers off.}
Servo: Today, we'll be performing a little number about--
{He finally notices that he is the only one on the bridge.}
Come on, guys! You promised!
Crow: {off-screen} I'm not coming out there!
Mike: {same as Crow} He's got a point, Servo. These costumes aren't the greatest.
Servo: Quit complaining! I just stuck to the script. You should be glad I didn't put both of you in skirts! Now get out here!
{Mike steps into the shot, dragging a reluctant Crow. Mike is dressed in nothing but gray suit pants, while Crow has been stuck in a very short skirt and a few strips of fabric that are supposed to be a shirt.}
Crow: I feel ridiculous!
Servo: Oh, you look fine!
Crow: Really?
Mike: Well, you are the thinnest one here. . .
Crow: This skirt doesn't make me look too hippy, does it?
Servo: {exasperated} Knock it off so we can do the damn song!!
Mike: Okay, geez, Servo!
{Music begins. It sounds suspiciously like Meredith Brooks' Bitch.}
Servo: Venusians came today/Blew up the whole world but you know that it's okay/We all just hid inside a bank vault and fell all over the place/Uh, they came from space.
Crow: {glaring at Servo over the last line} We know we shoulda died/But then nobody would have--I am NOT saying that!
Servo: Crow! You have to!
Crow: I do not!
Mike: Just skip to the chorus part, okay?
Servo: {whiny} Okay.
All: It's a bitch, we don't get it/And we don't want to be in it/Son of Corman put us here
Crow: God, I sure could use a beer!
Mike: I'm with you.
Servo: Hey, me, too.
All: The torture should be over soon/And we wouldn't want it any other way!
{The music fades out.}
Servo: Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Crow: Yes! Can I go change now, Mike?
{Movie Sign begins to wail.}
Mike: No time, WE'VE GOT CORMAN SIGN!
{Everyone rushes for the theater.}
{6. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .Theater.}
>(Jump-cut to the end of the tunnel. Evelyn, Roger, and Colman get out.)
Servo: They get knocked down, but they get up again.
Crow: You're never gonna keep them down.
Mike: If I hear one more reference to "Tubthumper," I'm gonna take away your ChumbaWamba CD!
>Evelyn: Jeepers. . .
{All laugh.}
Mike: {Shaggy} Scooby-doo! Where are you?
Crow: {Scooby} Rover rere!
>Roger: It's beautiful. . .
Servo: {sings} Everything is beautiful. . .
>(We see the base. It is huge. The others get into the picture.)
>Colman: Well, what are you waiting for? We made it this far!
>(They walk along. Jump-cut to later,
Crow: I say we just jump-cut to the end and get outta here!
Mike: It's almost over, Crow.
Crow: You said that ten minutes ago!
Mike: Okay, I promise, it's almost over.
Crow: Promise?
{Mike nods.}
>among the big buildings. All of them are walking along and looking at the buildings.)
Mike: The Empire State Building?
Servo: The Sears Tower?
Crow: The Space Needle?
>Roger: Is anyone still alive?
Mike: {Colman} Uh, hello? Remember me? The guy who kidnapped--er, saved your life?
Servo: {Evelyn} Honey! Don't act like I'm not here!
>Rodriguez: (voice, in a Mexican accent) Reach for the sky!
>(Roger, Evelyn, and Colman hold their hands up.)
All: {sing} Hold your head up, ahh, hold your head up. . .
>Colman: Who are you?
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) My name is
Mike: Inego Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
>Rodriguez. I am one of the last survivors of the destruction of Earth.
>Evelyn: (happily) Then there are others!
Crow: {Evelyn} Now I can dump your sorry ass!
>Colman: Than that means there are more!
All: No!
Mike: What was your first clue, Einstein?
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) Are you a spy for the Venusians?
>Roger: Why would we spy for the same people who destroyed our civilization?
{The bots look at Mike. He shrugs.}
Mike: Better dental plan?
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) You may have wished to have been spared.
>Colman: Rodriguez, it's me! Colman!
Servo: {Mexican accent} Colman who?
Crow: Can I hit him, Mike? Please? Please say I can hit him!
Mike: No.
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) Colman? You survived?
>Colman: Yes! I managed to save these two healthy young newlyweds.
{All laugh.}
Crow: What are they, a couple of race horses?
>How many more are there?
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) Three more. Jackson. Ralph, and Cissy.
>Colman: Where are they?
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent)
Crow: OKAY! HE'S MEXICAN! WE GET THE POINT!
>In the main building. Come on. Let's go.
>(They walk off. Jump-cut to the main building. Jackson, a black scientist
Mike: Tito?
Servo: Germain?
Crow: LaToya?
Mike: That's not even funny, Crow. It's downright scary!
>is working on something when Rodriguez, Roger, Evelyn, and Colman walk in. Jackson turns >around to look at them.)
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent) I found some survivors!
Mike: {Rodriguez} Actually, they found me, but anyway. . .
>Jackson: Thank heavens. Then we aren't the last people left on Earth.
Servo: Man! Everyone in this script took stupid pills this morning!
>Colman: Where are Ralph and Cissy?
>(Two little children [Ralph and Cissy] run in.)
>Ralph: Wow!
>Cissy: Are these our new parents?
>Ralph: Are you going to bake cookies for us and read us bedtime stories and play with us?
>Cissy: Please?????
Crow: Can we jump-cut these kids into a black hole?
Mike: Crow. . .
Crow: {sighs} I know, it's almost over.
>Evelyn: (kneels, while chuckling) Don't worry. We'll do all of this.
>(Roger picks up Ralph in his hands.)
Servo: Whoa! Now that's what I call a little child!
Mike: {tiny child's voice} Will you be my daddy?
{Crow snickers.}
>Roger: So these little rascals
{All begin humming The Little Rascal theme.}
>are the last remaining children left on Earth?
>Jackson: Yes. The Venusians spared no one in their attack, not even children.
Servo: {whimpers} B-but what about the Powerpuff Girls?
Crow: {whimpers} Or Dexter and Dee-Dee?
Mike: That's it, no more Cartoon Network, either!
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent)
Crow: FOR THE LAST TIME--
{The rest of this outburst is cut off as Mike clamps Crow's beak shut.}
Mike: We know, we know!
>And what about Jason Macleod? Have you contacted him yet?
{All whistle and look around innocently.}
>Colman: He sacrificed himself so that he could hide the information.
>Jackson: Poor Macleod. He was a great scientist.
Crow: But I thought he was immortal.
Mike: I think that's a different Macleod.
>Colman: Were you able to repair any of the equipment after the blast?
>Jackson: The viewing screen.
Crow: But all we can get are reruns of Lost in Space.
Mike: And there it is, Shameless SciFi Channel Plug #3.
>From underground, we can search the landscape to see if the aliens are coming.
Servo: {Jackson} Or we could just watch Thriller again. That brother of mine is great!
Crow: {quietly to Mike} This had better be over soon, Mike. We're starting to lose him.
>Rodriguez: (in a Mexican accent)
Servo: You quiero Taco Bell.
{Crow glares at Mike as if he's to blame.}
Mike: Servo? Come back to us, buddy.
>In fact, it's about time for the hourly search.
>Jackson: All right. Let's turn it on.
>Ralph: Are we going to watch Captain Kangaroo?
Servo: Sure! Let's all watch Captain Kangaroo!
{He begins laughing insanely. Mike grabs the red bot and shakes him.}
Mike: SNAP OUT OF IT!!
Servo: {normal again} Huh? Something wrong?
Crow: You snapped.
Servo: I did?
Mike: Like a twig.
Servo: Wow. {pause} Let's hope Pearl doesn't find the rest of this for a looooooong time!
>(All of them gather around the viewing screen. Jackson turns it on.
Crow: {TV reporter} This just in! The Venusians are attacking! Repeat--the Venuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mike: {Jackson} Hey, I've seen this already!
{Servo laughs.}
>It shows the landscape. Suddenly, the sky flashes, and the Venusian scout appears.)
>Roger: (grabs Evelyn by the shoulders) The Venusian!
>Evelyn: (horrified) Yes!
Servo: Why's she so scared? The moron flew right over their heads the last time!
Crow: Maybe it looks like Adam Sandler?
{All shudder.}
>The Venusian: (voice)
Mike: So, let me get this straight. The Venusian, the guy everyone is so worked up over, is a VOICE?
Crow: Maybe it has Prince's voice.
Servo: {sings as Prince} You don't have to be rich to be my girl. . .
>Attention, humans! This is the Venusian speaking.
All: No!
Crow: I thought it was Al Gore!
>I have finally spotted you on my scanners. When I find you, I will destroy you.
>Jackson: You cannot find us yet. We are hidden from your deadly beams. You can see us, and >you can hear us, but you cannot find our base.
Mike: {Jackson} Nyah, nyah, nyah nyah, nyah!
{The bots snicker.}
>The Venusian: (voice) If you are trying to frighten me with you schemes, you are wasting your >time. You are only prolonging the inevitable. I will destroy your people!
Crow: Oh, sure! Like he did such a great job destroying everyone the last time!
>I have survived your antimatter-bomb raid because I have adapted.
>Colman: You lie! The only reason you are alive is because you were searching a different area when the bomb landed.
Mike: Oh, can we please drop the subject of areas altogether?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crow: Hey! It's over!
Mike: Didn't I tell you? Let's go.
{Mike picks up Servo and the trio exits the theater.}
{1. . .2. . .3. . .4. . .5. . .6. . .Dogbone.}
{The costumes from earlier are gone, and everything is back to normal [whatever that is!].}
Servo: Hey, Mike, how come you didn't lose it at any point during this script?
Mike: I just kept telling myself that it was almost over.
Crow: The entire time?
Mike: Yeah.
{Mads' Light flashes.}
Mike: Oh, great, Pearl's calling again.
Servo: So, it really works?
{Castle Forrester}
{Pearl, the Observer, and Bobo are sitting at a table. The papers that Bobo had earlier are scattered over the entire surface, and all three are reading intently.}
Bobo: How about The Fly?
Pearl: {thinking} 50's version or 80's version?
Bobo: Hmmm. Doesn't say.
Pearl: Okay, mark it.
{Bobo highlights the entry as Pearl notices M&TB.}
Oh, hi, Nelson. I hope you enjoyed your little break from the normal routine, because we have found a TON of movies to send to you now.
Observer: Here's one, Pearl--Phantom of the Mall.
Pearl: Sounds bad--make a note of it, Bleachy.
Observer: I already have, with my mind, of course.
Pearl: Of course. {to M&TB} Until next time, Nelson--
Bobo: Ooh, ooh! The Puppetmaster series!
Pearl: Hey, I'm talking to Mike right now, Bobo! Until next time, Nelson. . . . {long pause} Brain Guy, cut the transmission!
{Closing credits.}
STINGER: Jeepers. . .