{Crow is seated at a computer terminal, reading aloud as he types. Servo and Mike enter, but don't say anything at first.}

Crow: "Thus far, the only high points of the story were the earth-shattering destruction of the human race, a guest appearance by the Highlander, and Evelyn's micro-mini."

Mike: Crow, what are you doing?

Crow: Writing a letter to Son of Corman. I just thought that if the kid's going to be a writer, he should get a little creative criticism from a fellow writer.

Servo: The only thing you've ever written is The Earth vs. Soup!

Mike: Be nice, Servo. Let me read what you have so far.

{Crow leans back so Mike can read the computer screen.}

*ahem* "Dear Son of Corman, or whatever your name happens to be; Don't give up your day job. This story reads like a lost scene from Robot Monster. I'm beginning to think that maybe you really are related to Roger Corman. Everyone walks and walks and walks. Thus far. . . " You're being awfully tough on the kid, don't you think?

Crow: I'm just paying him back for all those jump-cuts.

{Movie Sign wails.}

Mike: Well, finish your letter later, WE'VE GOT CORMAN SIGN!!

{Everyone scrambles as Cambot pans in once more.}

{6. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .Theater.}

>At first, I thought that the probe was somehow launched back into space by a volcano.

Crow: And now it's a probe again!

Servo: Crow, the Mariner spacecraft is a probe!

Mike: Don't start that again.

Bots: {dejected} Okay.

>(We now see the interior of the Mariner probe. A Venusian is inside it.)

{All laugh.}

Servo: Boy, Sailor Venus has seen better days!

>Voice: I learned through space vibrations

Servo: Are they good, good, good, good vibrations?

>that an alien was planning to land on Earth and destroy the human race.

>(Jump-cut to a view of Macleod with the alien in a glass box.)

Mike: {Macleod} At last! My collection is complete!

>Voice: I contained it as it landed on Earth within a container of glass.

Crow: {Macleod} Or a glass box. I haven't decided which I like better yet.

>But even I knew that this deadly soldier from another world's rays would sooner or later >vaporize the glass.

>(Jump-cut to the U.N. Macleod is talking to the leaders of the world.)

Servo: Man! I just got whiplash from that jump-cut!

Crow: There should be a label on this somewhere: Manufacturer's Warning: Jump-cuts may be hazardous to your health!

>Voice: The end of the world as we knew it was upon us.

Mike: {Macleod} But I felt fine.

{The bots snicker.}

>Soon, the Earth would be destroyed by its rays. I told the U.N. of this crisis. They knew of our >planet's danger, so they immediately set up an underground laboratory filled with men and >women and vegetation that we would need to survive.

Servo: Let me guess--Genius Boy has no clue where it is now!

>Now, as to where it is or was hidden I have no information.

{Mike and Crow look at Servo.}

Mike: How did you--

Servo: I saw something like this on Sightings one time.

Crow: There's Shameless SciFi Channel Plug #2.

>(Jump-cut to Macleod in his underground laboratory.)

>Voice: We all got underground immediately. The moment was upon us.

{The bots snicker.}

Mike: Not a word, Crow.

Crow: What? You always blame me! Why don't you yell at him for a change?!

Mike: Who's yelling?

Servo: Besides, I was just thinking it!

Crow: {mumbles} Suck-up.

>(Jump-cut to the Venusian breaking out of the glass.

Mike: Oops! Should have used Plexiglass!

Crow: Yes, folks, we have product placement, even on-line!

>Lightning comes from his fingers and destroys a building. I nouter space, a group of pods zoom >towards the Earth. The other Venusians attack with their flashes of lasers.)

Crow: Hey! The Venusians are using lightsabers!

Mikie: {Darth Vader} Jason, join me on the Dark Side or earth will be destroyed.

{Servo chuckles.}

>Voice: The Venusians attacked with all their fury. All our tanks and bombs were no match for >them. Those who remained on Earth suffered a terrible fate.

Mike: They were all turned into Pauly Shore clones!

Bots: Nooooooo!

>Their so-called "Venusian forming rays"

Servo: {TV Announcer} Their So-Called Venusian Forming Rays! From the producers of My So-Called Life!

>leveled every city off the map, no matter how big or little.

>(We briefly see Colman, Roger, and Evelyn listen sadly.

Crow: How do you "listen sadly"?

Servo: Kind of like how we're reading this sadly.

>Jump-cut to a decimated world. The earth men and women walk along grudgingly.)

>Voice: Those on the surface who survived were put to work under horrible conditions, much like >the Jews of the Holocaust, only this Holocaust woulf kill every man and woman on Earth for the >"Final Solution".

Mike: Every man and woman, but what about the children?

Crow: They were evacuated to the moon.

Servo: See?! I told you Sailor Moon would--

Mike and Crow: NO!

>(Jump-cut to an underground city.)


{Crow attacks the screen. Mike jumps up and pulls him back.}

Mike: Calm down!

>Voice: Those who were not under the Venusians' influence had civilized quickly underground. >Soon, they had found their weakness,

>(Jump-cut to a giant explosion.)

{Crow screams and cowers in his seat, whimpering slightly.}

Mike: It'll be okay, Crow. Calm down.

>Voice: . . . and destroyed them with a giant antimatter bomb. At first, they thought that all the >Venusians were destroyed, but one had survived.

Servo: {Church Lady} How conveeeeenient.

>(A Venusian flies through the picture. A flash is seen.)

>Voice: He destroyed the remaining humans.

Crow: Except for the three idiots who were falling down in a bank vault.

Mike: Of course.

>At first the others thought they could construct another bomb, but all are gone now. The >Venusians have won the intergalactic war.

Mike: Why didn't I know about this intergalactic war?

Crow: Like I said before, you were asleep.

Mike: Why do I have the feeling I should hit you right now?

Servo: {sings} Intergalactic planetary!

Mike: No Beastie Boys, honey.

Servo: Aw, man!

>(Jump-cut back to the laboratory.)

>Voice: And now, as the Venusians approack my base, and I plan to commit suicide,

Servo: Oh, sure! Take the easy way out!

>I decide to hide this tape. If any living man or woman

Mike: Or Colman.

{Servo snickers.}

>finds this, remember, the only way to kill a Venusian is through antimatter. That. . .

Crow: Maybe he should have finished the recording before he took the cyanide pill!

>is all.

>(The tape ends. Colman, Roger, and Evelyn look at each other.)

Mike: {Colman} So, anyone want a beer?

>Roger: Then we are the last people on Earth?

Crow: God, I hope not!

>But this is incredible!

>Colman: I don't believe that. There must have been someone smart enough to hide beyond their >reaches.

>Evelyn: What about the underground? They haven't destroyed that yet!

>Colman: That would seem logical.

Servo: Colman's a Vulcan?

Mike: I didn't know this was a Star Trek crossover!

Crow: Colman IS Mr. Spock!

>Hopefully, a few of the plants have survived underground. But if the Venusians found out where >the base was, they could destroy all the remaining people on Earth!

Servo: {sarcastically} Oh, God forbid! You three are just sooo wonderful!

{Mike and Crow stare at Servo.}


Mike: Never mind.

>Roger: They know what's going on up here! They figure that we may be Venusian spies and blast >us right off the earth!

{All cheer.}

>Evelyn: We've got to try something! If we stay up here much longer, they'll be down upon us!

>Colman: It seems that you are right. We will have to find the others. We'll split up. You go >together that way. I'll go this way.

>(He hands them a few flares.)

>Colman: If you find them, send up a flare. And remember, as soon as you see a Venusian, either >run or hide.

Mike: Or do the Macarena.

>Don't stand your ground. If they know you are there, they will kill you. All right, let's go.

All: Gooooooooo, LOSERS!

>(They go theirs seperate way.

Mike: I'm knocking 5 points off of this story for improper usage of the word their.

>Jump-cut to later, a few miles away. Roger and Evelyn are searching for the opening among the >wreckage. Suddenly, the sky flashes. Roger sweeps Evelyn off her feet and runs.

Servo: {Evelyn} Uh, honey, I can walk, you know!

Crow: He thinks they're on a second honeymoon! How sweet!

>A Venusian flies over the hole they hide in. He looks around, but sees nothing, so he goes on.

Mike: Wow. Just look at all the wasted commas in that sentence!

>Roger and Evelyn get up and keep walking.)

>Roger: So Colman is not lying about the Venusians.

>Evelyn: Come on, before he sees us.

Servo: Oh, for the luvva--if he didn't see you two seconds ago, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE'LL SEE YOU NOW?!

Mike: Down, Servo. It's almost over. {mumbles} I hope.

Crow: What was that, Mike?

Mike: Nothing!

>(They walk along, unnoticed. Jump-cut to the area Colman is searching.

Mike: Crow. . .

Crow: I wasn't going to say it!

Mike: Just checking.

>Suddenly, he sees a hole in the ground. He begins uncovering it and sees a metal lock.)

>Colman: I've found it!

Mike: Found what?!

>(He gets out a flare and fires it. Miles away, Roger and Evelyn spot it.)

>Evelyn: He found it!

Crow: Found what?!

Servo: Hey, there's an echo in here!

Mike: I thought Pearl fixed that!

>Roger: Good. We need to get back to him. But we must watch out for the scout!

>(They walk off. jump-cut to later that evening.

Mike: I think someone missed the "shift" key again!

Crow: Mike, I swear if I see the word jump-cut one more time, I'm gonna rip my eyes out!

>The three survivors are sitting around a campfire. Colman holds a gun close as Roger and >Evelyn eat.)

Mike: {Colman} Don't move or the bunny gets it!

Crow: Actually, I think that's what they're eating.

Servo: Nooooooo! Bugs!

{Servo begins sobbing.}

Mike: Way to go, Crow.

{Mike tries to comfort Servo.}

>Roger: Will you really need that?

>Colman: I intend to use it for myself, thank you very much.

{Crow snickers.}

Mike: Don't say it. You're in enought trouble as it is!

>Evelyn: The scientis in the recording said something about an antimatter bomb.

>Colman: Yes. That's how we kill them. But they're too dangerous if used recklessly.

>Roger: It seems that it's our only hope.

Crow: Well, it didn't work the last time, but what the hell, let's give it another shot!

>Colman: We must get to the others soon and get our hands on the plans to making antimatter. >If the scout knows there are more Earthlings, he send for reinforcements.

Crow: Right on, Soul Brotha!

>Evelyn: All right. Let's go to sleep.

Mike: Oh, great plan, Evelyn!

Servo: {stops sobbing} Sounds good to me!

{Servo leans on Mike and falls asleep.}

>Colman: I'll stay up, in case he comes.

Crow: {Colman} In which case, I'll cry like a baby and beg for my miserable life to be spared.

Mike: {reading ahead} Uh-oh!

{Mike covers Crow's eyes.}

Crow: Hey!

>(The others go to sleep. Jump-cut to the next morning.

{Mike uncovers Crow's eyes.}

Mike: That was close!

Crow: What? Jump-cut?

Mike: Yep.

Crow: Oh. {pause} Thanks, Mike.

>Colman is using a stick to pry open the hole. He finally gets it open.)

>Colman: All right. You two go in first. Bring your flashlights.

>Roger: Why?

Crow: Because we like you!

>Colman: I'm going to seal the hole so that the alien can't find it. If he does, we're done for.

>(They get into the hole. Colman closes it as he gets in.

Mike: I think we're about to experience another jump-cut.

Crow: I'm over it.

>Jump-cut to the dark tunnel. All we can see is only the flashlights.)

Crow: "All that we can see is only the flashlights"? How did this guy ever pass high school English?

Mike: Maybe he's still in high school.

>Evelyn: How much further to the base?

>Colman: Not much longer. . .

{Servo wakes up.}

Servo: Did I miss much?

Mike and Crow: No.

>Wait! I think I see something!

Servo: {sings} There's a liiiiiight. . .

Crow: Stop him, Mike! Stop him now!

{Mike covers Servo's beak.}

Mike: No more Rocky Horror for you, young man!

Servo: Mmmmph!

Crow: Can we go now, Mike?

Mike: Yeah, let's get outta here, guys.

{Mike picks up Servo and the trio exits the theater.}

{1. . .2. . .3. . .4. . .5. . .6. . .Dogbone.}

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