>The hangar doors open.)

>Kimball: All right, Stone. Keep gliding her in.

{Silence. Then Dani, Crow, and, surprisingly, Mike begin laughing.}
Servo: Mike! You're supposed to be setting a good example for us!

>(The ship keeps going down more until it lands. The crew members sigh in relief.)

All: Aww!

>Stone: Now.

Corman: No, later!
{Dani giggles.}

>Let's go find out what happened to the crew members of this ship.

{A mechanical clicking sound is heard. Everyone looks around in confusion.}
Dani: What the Hell, Michigan was that?
Mike: Sounded like the time lock.
Dani: Oh.
All: The time lock?!
Corman: Let's try the door!
{Everyone rushes the door. It opens easily, and the fivesome leaves the theater.}

{1. . .2. . .3. . .4. . .5. . .6. . .Dogbone.}

{Mike has collapsed on the counter, while Corman is leaning against the wall next to the theater entrance. Crow, Servo, and Dani are nowhere to be seen.}

Mike: This is a rough one, isn't it?
Dani: {from foreground} Sure is.
Corman: I can't believe you made it all the way around the counter, Dani.
Dani: {same} I didn't--I fell off the counter.
Mike: {not moving} You okay?
Dani: {same as her hand appears at the bottom of the screen} I'm fine. {pause} I guess.

{Crow and Servo enter from left.}

Servo: Uh, Danielle, why are you lying on the floor?
Dani: {same as before} Because I couldn't make it to my room.
Crow: Oh. Hey, we think we found a way to get outta reading the screenplay any more.
Corman: {still leaning} How's that?
Servo: We just don't go back in the theater!
Human Crew: WHAT?!?!
Crow: Yeah! And then we won't have to suffer through any more of Stone's whining and Rocketship X-M flashbacks!
Mike: {still on counter} That's a good idea in theory, but it won't work.
Servo: Why not?
Dani: {same as before} Because me, Mike, and Corman like to breathe. If we stay out here, we'll suffocate.

{Brief pause while the bots process this information.}

Servo: Oh. Then forget it.

{Gypsy enters, carrying a picnic basket in her mouth.}

Gypsy: {mumbling to keep from dropping the basket} Here are the sandwiches I made for you guys. Oh, and there's an audio transmission coming in from the castle.

{Mike takes the basket from Gypsy and sets it nearby. Gypsy exits.}

Pearl: {voice} What the hell do you think you're doing up there?! {pause} And where's that smart-mouth little bi--
Dani: {same} I'm still here.
Pearl: {voice} Oh. Anyway, what are you doing out of the theater?
Mike: {rolling off counter and disappearing from view} The time lock went off.
Pearl: {voice} If you know what's good for you, you'll get back in there NOW!!

{Movie sign begins to wail again. Corman visibly jumps as the bots, running around in circles, crash into each other.}


{Corman and the bots run off screen as Mike and Dani reappear (Mike behind the counter, Dani in front). They both dash off, grabbing the basket as they do.}

{6. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .Theater.}

{Dani hands out the sandwiches.}

>Davis: I'll get some artillery, just in case.

Dani: Woohoo! Let's blow it up!
Crow: You're feeling a little dark right now, aren't you?

>Kimball: No. Let's be friendly. These people have been through as much as we have.

>Stone: Then again they may be causing it!

Mike: Then again, why don't you bite me?!
Dani: I still say blow 'em up.

>Kimball: I give the orders, and I say we don't take the weapons!

>Davis: All right.

>(They walk out into a long corridor.)

>Stone: Well, where to, now?

Corman: {Kimball} Eenie, meanie, miney, moe. . .
{Crow laughs.}

>Davis: There's only one

Servo: {sings} way, there's only one way to rock!

>corridor. We might as well go ahead.

>(They keep walking around and searching the rooms. Kimball opens a door to a room and screams.

{All laugh.}
Servo: Look, it's David Ryder!
Mike: Buff McRunfast!
Crow: Brick McBighuge!
{Corman looks over at Dani.}
Dani: Don't ask me!

>Davis and Stone rush over. The room is filled with skeletons.)

Corman: Supermodels!

>Stone: My God!

>Kimball: I think we found out what keeps the monsters outside alive!

>(They walk on. They keep checking doors

Crow: What, are they looking for Waldo?

>until Stone finds one that catches his eye. He opens it.)

>Stone: (amazed) Quickly! Come over here!

>Kimball: What? What is it?

Dani: {Stone} I found Waldo!
{Servo snickers.}

>(They walk over. Davis gasps. Inside is a jungle paradise. And at the center of it is a group of women in long cloaks and tight, flowing dresses are dancing around a fire.

Crow: Hey! Bellerians!

>A group of shaggy men beat at some nearby drums.)

Corman: ZZ Top!

>Kimball: Who are they? What are they doing here?

All: Playing the drums and doing a tribal dance!!

>(Stone walks up to one. Davis follows. He grabs one of the dancing women. Davis looks at some of the men.)

Dani: Oh, look, she wants to trade up!
Mike: Do you blame her?

>Stone: This woman is the second in command of the Taurus!

Crow: {Stone} And she has got it goin' on!

>Davis: And this man is the captain!

>Stone: That's it! The survivors must've landed here and have set up base!

>Kimball: And what about this? They're dancing old tribal dances!

Mike: Dingdingding! We have a winner!

>Davis: Maybe it's temporary amnesia.

Corman: Nah, the screenplay finally got to them.

>Maybe if we show them something to remind them.

>Stone: (to one of the natives) My name is Wilson Stone. I work for NASA. Don't worry. I won't hurt you.

>(Stone's handheld computer falls out of his pocket. The natives gather around it, amazed.)

Servo: {native} Look! He's got Pokemon!

>Kimball: It seems someone has been tampering with their brain.

Crow: They share one brain?
Corman: That explains a lot!

>Stone: When I get to the bottom of this, I'm going to report the actions of this. Whoever's doing this has broken the first rule of the book.

Corman: "Don't cry over spilled milk?"
Mike: "Wait an hour after meals to go swimming?"
Dani: "Do unto others before they do unto you?"
{The others give her a strange look.}

>Kimball: (quoting) "Don't mess with what you don't know about."

Human Crew: Oh.
{The bots laugh.}

>Davis: Still, it wouldn't help to get to the control center of the ship. It may not be a person at all. . .

>(Davis looks at a small statue of a turtle. A dancer stops her from touching it.)

>Davis: What is it?

Corman: They worship the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Dani: This goes right back to that shared brain theory!

>Dancer: Muerto . . . Muerto . . .

>(She points to a large statue of the same turtle. It's mouth is wide open.)

Crow: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
{Dani giggles.}

>Kimball: Muerto. That must be the name of their god.

>Stone: Muerto! That's Spanish for death!

>Kimball: This is getting too suspicious. I'm getting out of here.

>(He begins to walk away, but a warrior stops him with a stick.)

{Dani and Crow snicker.}
Mike: Will you two get your minds out of the gutter for five seconds?

>Davis: I don't think they want you to leave. . .

>(The villagers gain on them. Fade out.

Servo: "The End." Please say "The End!"

>The heroes are tied up and in the turtle's mouth.

Servo: Damn!
Dani: Out of curiosity's sake, what page are we on?
Mike: {looks at the top of the page} Page 7.
Corman: Well, we made it to the halfway point.
Dani: We can do this, guys. We just have to stick together!
{All take a deep breathe and turn back to the screenplay.}

>The warriors stand around them with their knives pointed straight at them. Before them, the dancers dance a ritual that last about a minute or two.

Servo: Aaugh! Fire Maidens from Outer Space did this!
Crow: {sings} Pad the film, pad the film, pad pad pad pad pad the film. . .
{Dani and Corman look over at Mike. Mike just shrugs.}

>Then we switch back to our heroes.)

>Stone: Vicki. . .

>Davis: Yes?

>Stone: Before I die, I just wanted to say that. . . I loved you.

>Davis: Oh, Wilson. . .

Dani: Yeah, right!
Crow: This is turning into Rocketship X-M all over again!

>Kimball: All right, you two! We've got to find a way out of here! Save your crooning for later!

Mike: Yes, a voice of reason!

>(Suddenly, a smoke comes from inside the turtle's mouth. It engulfs them. They begin coughing, but when the smoke clears, they are not dead.

Corman: Aw, man!
Crow: What a gip!

>They are in a different room.)

>Davis: (rips off the ropes) Where are we?

>Kimball: (struggles to get out of the ropes) So this isn't the airlock to the outside, as I suspected.

>Stone: (pushes off the remaining ropes) Now. We'd better get to the control room.

Mike: Hey! Who died and left you in charge, pal?
Dani: It sure as hell wasn't Kimball!

>They'll know what's going on there.

>(They walk along. Jump-cut to a long corridor.

Servo: What are we up to, Crow?
Crow: 8.
Corman: {thinking} 8 more and it should be over!
{All cheer.}

>The heroes are walking down it when suddenly a hand grabs Kimball and pulls him off.

Dani and Crow: Auuuugh!
Dani: What? It sounds to me like someone ripped his skin off or something!
Mike: {embarrassed} Oh.
Crow: {mumbling} Who's mind is in the gutter now, hmm?

>A hand grabs Davis and holds a gun up to her face. The people come out of the shadows. They reveal themselves to be a young man, [Grant] an elderly bearded man, [Jackson] and a woman [Pollock].)

Corman: That sounds like the beginning of a joke I once heard. . .
Servo: If it's off-color, save it!

>Grant: All right. Put your weapons down!

>Kimball: What do you want?

>Stone: We have no weapons!

>Jackson: I am Ryan Jackson, commander of Space Station OW-9.

Servo: Y'know, I was kinda hoping for Alan Jackson.

>Grant: I am his secretary, George Grant.

Crow: Jackson has a male secretary? I guess that means he--
{Mike clamps Crow's beak shut.}
Mike: Don't go there.

>Pollock: And I'm Leslie Reginald Pollock, the head of foreign affairs.

Dani: Oh, I get it! Her name is Pollock, see, and--
Servo: No.
Dani: {dejected} Okay.

>Grant: You're the one who's been doing all the killing, aren't you?

>Jackson: You know perfectly well who did it, Grant. These people are our friends.

>Stone: Do you know what has happened?

>Pollock: It's Phillips and Morse. They brought this ship so they could torture people.

>Grant: Our crew. . .

Servo: Stop Shatnering, people!!

>they killed nearly all the men and turned the women into ferocious jungle women!

>Kimball: Something must be done!

>Davis: Which way is it to the control room?


{All laugh.}
Mike: "Neuter?"

>(voice) Let me take you!

>(They turn around to see Phillips. He has a strange looking gun in his hand.)

>Stone: Phillips!

>Neutor: Go on!

>(They walk in front of Neutor.

Dani: Okay, so is his name "Phillips" or "Neutor"?
Corman: Neutor's funnier.

>They go to the control room, where Morse- or Shayjac- is waiting.)

Crow: Before we go any further, could we please decide who these two idiots are?

>Shayjac: Ah, Neutor. You bring the other inhabitants?

>Neutor: Yes, Shayjac.

Crow: Thank you.
Dani: Yeah, thanks.
Mike: I guess.

>Kimball: Neutor? Shayjac? What are you talking about? You're Terry Phillips and Adam Morse!

Corman: Not again!
Servo: Let's stick with Neutor and Shayjac, okay?

>Shayjac: The men of which you speak are long gone. We took their bodies as an honor.

Dani: {wrinkling her nose} Even I won't touch that one!
Crow: That's just plain sick!
Mike: Are you two feeling okay?

>Grant: What's going on? What do you want with us?

>Shayjac: Ah, yes. I see they have female specimens.

>Neutor: Yes. Many.

>(He grabs Pollock.)

>Neutor: I can tell from your mind that you like painting and music. Your name is Leslie Reginald Pollock, is it not?

Mike: {Pollock} Not!
{Dani giggles.}

>Pollock: Stay away!

>Shayjac: You know how we love the females.

Dani: We do?
{Servo snickers.}

>(He grabs Davis and kisses her. Stone looks at him, angrily. Kimball pushes Shayjac away.)

Crow: Hey, look! Stone's turned into Kalgan!
Corman: Huh?
Dani: Ever see Space Mutiny?
Corman: Yeah. {pause} Oh.

>Shayjac: Why do you push me away when you know I can kill you?

>Kimball: Stay away from our species!


{All laugh.}
Servo: That is funnier than Phillips!

>He shall do as he pleases!

>Grant: (grabs gun) Oh, no, he won't!

>(Grant shoots at Shayjac, but misses.

Mike: Stop and aim, for crying out loud!

>Pollock hits Neutor with the butt

{Crow snickers.}
Dani: C'mon, Crow. It's not that funny!
Mike: {places a hand on Dani's forehead} Are you sure you're not running a fever or something?

>of her gun. Grant begins to run, but Neutor gets up and shoots him. He turns into a pile of bones.

{Dani starts to speak. Mike moves his hand from her forehead to her mouth.}
Dani: Mmmph!
Servo: I'd say she's just fine, Mike.
Mike: Shut up.

>Kimball ducks. Shayjac grabs Pollock.)

>Shayjac: Take this woman to the calcination room. Set it for usual.

>Neutor: Right.

>(He takes the girl

Crow: I'm not touching that one.
Mike: Thank you.
{Dani knocks Mike's hand away from her mouth.}

>and leaves.)

>Kimball: That weapon he used, what is it? It's fascinating!

Corman: His life must be unbearably dull.

>Shayjac: It disintegrates living material on contact. All but the bones are destroyed.

All: Duh!
Servo: He asked what it is, not what it does!

>Davis: Where do you come from? No one on earth could build such a weapon like that.

Dani: Well, maybe NASA could in a few years. . .

>And you must have something to do with the monsters that have been destroying the ships!

Servo: Brilliant! {to Dani} Can you kill me, please?
Dani: Hang in there, buddy.

>(Neutor walks back in.)

Crow: Yay! It's Neutor!
{All clap and whistle.}

>Shayjac: Tell them our story, Neutor.

>Neutor: We come from a double planet system, far away, in the Scorpion Constellation,

Mike: Uh, it has a name, you know.
Servo: Cancer?
Corman: Libra?
{Mike sighs and drops his head into his hands.}
Dani: {pats Mike's shoulder} It'll be okay, Mike. They're just not familiar with astronomy.

>where your pioneers searched.

>(Jump-cut to a view of their former planet.

Crow: That's 9.

>It is beautiful and amazing.)

{Everyone oohs and ahhs.}

>Neutor: (narrates) Our planet was once civilized, and we were on the brink of finding out how to control vast areas of space.


Crow: 10.
Dani: Yes, folks, we're using back-to-back jump-cuts now!

>to a view of their sun exploding.)

>Neutor: (narrates) But our sun went nova,

Servo: {sings} To a champagne supernova in the sky. . .

>and nearly destroyed our worlds.

Dani: Unfortunately for us, {dramatic pause} it didn't.
{Mike laughs.}

>(Jump-cut to a view of dinosaurs roaming their planet.)

Crow: That's 11.
Servo: Are we on Venus again?
{Dani giggles.}

>Neutor: (narrates) Then, our planet was overrun by prehistoric beasts.


Crow: Whoa, we're in Jump-cut City! That's 12 now!
Corman: 4 in a minute alone!
Dani: Note to self: Jump out the airlock at my earliest convenience.

>to a view of the two planets, flying simultaneously through space. A bolt of lighting sparks between them.)

Servo: The hell?
Mike: Zeus?

>Neutor: (narrates) Soon, our planets were barren. The only way to be saved was through a scientific process where our body became pure energy. Once we did, we could travel freely between planets.

Dani: Oh. {pause} Did that sound lame to anyone else?
Corman: Yeah.
Crow: Uh-huh.
Mike: Yep.

>(Fade back to the control room. Close-up of Neutor.)

{Everyone laughs.}

>Neutor: Then, your ship came, and we went into their bodies

{Dani, Crow, and Servo all begin speaking at once.}
Dani: Whoa!
Crow: Hey!
Servo: Hold the phone!

>and took over their minds. We knew that if we could be in bodies again, we could continue our plans for domination.

>Stone: How is it you can create these monsters?

Corman: {Shayjac} We used the Thing Maker. Duh.
{The others snicker.}

>Shayjac: By a special method of calcination-atomization ray. It mutates these small things into giants which could destroy a planet, if need be.

Mike: What small things?
Servo: Sea monkeys?

>Kimball: And no army or air force can defeat them?

>Shayjac: No. Nothing but the ray.

Crow: Ray of light?
Dani: {sings} She's goddess of a universe gone quickly. . .

>This ray also has other uses. It helps protect our base from ships, and, as you are about to see, can send the mind into an amazing beauty which no man has ever dreamed!

{Everyone oohs, ahhs, and applauds.}
Corman: I feel like I'm in an infommercial!

>(Neutor presses a button. The dancers appear on the screen. Only this time, Pollock is with them, dressed the same way.)

>Davis: (gasps) Pollock!Dani: {Davis} I can't believe they're all wearing the same outfit!
{The guys laugh.}

>Neutor: Yes. Sent back to a time before her birth, into her past body of a prehistoric woman!

Mike: {Neutor} Pretty cool, huh?

>Jackson: Is this what you plan to do to all of our people?

>Neutor: Let me explain.

Crow: Explain what, exactly?
Dani: The plot, I hope!
Servo: There's a plot?

>When we contact your people and tell them that the flight to our planets was successful, hundreds of ships containing thousands of your people will come to our home.

Corman: Everyone got that part?
Mike: I think.
Dani: Sorta.
Bots: No.

>With all the food and oxygen, we can fly back to your world in time!

Servo: In time for what?
Crow: Lunch.

>And once we take over your earth and activate the death ray in outer space from which will spring more monsters that will do our slightest command, we can control the universe!

Corman: Finally, a plot point!
Others: {unenthused} Yay.

>Jackson: You cannot do this.

>Shayjac: And what is the fault with our plan?

>Jackson: When you took over our station, the radio was smashed. Now you cannot contact our base.

Mike: Nyah, nyah, nyah nyah nyah!
{The others laugh.}

>Shayjac: That can be easily solved. We let the rocket ship land here because we knew it would have a functioning radio. It could also help propel our station to our planet.

Dani: Whoa, hold up! One little rinky-dink spaceship is gonna propel an entire space station to a planet in the constellation Scorpio? {pause} And then the little green men are going to come from Mars and blow up the Satellite of Love while we're stuck in the theater, reading this crummy screenplay!!
{She breaks down in tears. Mike leans over and hugs her.}
Mike: It's okay, Dani. It's just the lousy screenplay. Take it easy.
Servo: Whoa, I've never seen her do that before!

>Kimball: How far is it to the planet of which you speak?

>Shayjac: It is many days with your ship. We shall begin now. Neutor, go prepare the rocket ship.

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