SQUIRM (Short: “A Case of Spring Fever”)

Opening Host Segment: It’s time for the Satellite of Love’s annual safety check. But it seems that the SOL isn’t nearly as safe as it should be (the fire extinguishers and flares have been set off in Mike’s face, the first aid kit was used up treating the burns, and the ham radio has been mistaken for an actual ham). Heck, the only piece of equipment that even works still is the toaster oven, which was used to bake the ham radio. Mike declares the satellite officially unsafe. [Femme’s Note: Is this a little insight into the final episode? I actually have read a review of the finale, and it seems to point towards that episode very much so. If you want to be surprised, then tell me to shut up.]

Host Segment 1: Pearl has yet another plan to take over the world--she has decided to start her own fair, the First Annual Castle Forrester Fair. What she plans on doing is gradually taking over larger fairs until she rules the world, then move on to the rest of the universe. Pearl announces that she has made pickles using an old family recipe of cucumbers and Windex, then shoves one down Brain Guy’s throat. He, of course (even though he “has no body”), collapses. Meanwhile, Crow and Tom enter their 5000+ pig Wilbur into the fair. Mike had no idea that they were raising the thing, or that there was a silo on the satellite. Back in Castle Forrester, we learn about the taste treat Ape Hair. Bobo simply rips a hunk of hair off his body, dips it in batter, and deep-fries it. Again, the concoction is shoved down Brain Guy’s throat and he collapses again. Pearl sends the movie Squirm from the Loser Pavilion and demands that everyone “Come to the fair!” Mike realizes that he hasn’t even really lived on the SOL when he discovers that there is also a feed lot on board.

Host Segment 2: The guys begin to wonder if there is a demonic little sprite for everything in the universe. To test the theory, Crow wishes that there was no Mike, and, sure ‘nuff, we get to meet the, um, “delightful” Mikey the Mike Sprite. He grants Crow’s wish, then won’t leave until the bots play along and want to do stuff that involves Mike (Mikey just really wants to say “No Mike!” in his squeaky high-pitched voice). Eventually, Crow and Tom get sick of him and wish Mike back. Then, Tom wishes that Mike’s socks didn’t exist, conjuring up another annoying sprite, Mikesocksky, the Mike’s socks sprite:
*Mike: Give me back my socks!
*Mikesocksky: [squeaky high-pitch voice] No Mike’s socks!
They choose to end the segment here, thank God! If I had to listen to that voice one more time….

Host Segment 3: Tom Servo comes down with an extreme case of Southern Belleness. It seems he’s highly susceptible to this sort of thing--I think it goes hand-in-hand with Short Man’s Disease or somethin’. Mike and Crow try everything “Northern” to snap him out of it from Pepperidge Farm bread to pastrami injections. The pastrami works for, like, five seconds before the Southern Belleness kicks in again. Mike finally drags him into the theater while Crow tracks down an egg cream cure.

Host Segment 4: Mike decides to create a race of mutant killer worms a'la Squirm. Unfortunately, every single time he tries to electrically mutate his little worm buddies, they end up getting fried. The bots are highly disturbed by this, and even moreso disturbed when Mike bites into the most recent failure (ewwwwwww!)! It turns out the fired worms are a tasty snack, which would be great with some of Crow’s special dipping sauce (the same sauce they used when Crow blossomed and batter-fried Servo’s head earlier this season).

Ending Host Segment: Crow once again dons the costume of a character in the movie (you may remember his dancing from Girl in Gold Boots; that little image is burned into my psyche forever now *shudder*). This time, it’s the sister affectionately referred to as Patch Ass that he chooses to imitate. You know, with the tall shoes? Crow (of course) takes things a little too far and is wearing mile high shoes. Mike isn’t highly amused by this, but goes to find Tom anyway--he might get a laugh out of it. Crow tries to go along with Mike and, not surprisingly, loses his balance and falls--very, very slowly. Tom and Mike return, and Tom finds Crow falling to his death slightly amusing. Back at the First Annual Castle Forrester Fair, Pearl has added a bungee jump with about 90-some feet of bungee cord and a jump of maybe two, three feet tops. Brain Guy is the reluctant first customer, whom Pearl gleefully pushes off the jump point. He hits the ground pretty hard, but Pearl sends him back up and shoves him off one more time before ordering us, one more time, to “Come to the fair!” [Femme’s Note: Bill Corbett actually wrote on the MST3K Website that this is the episode that should finally convince Brain Guy that he really truly does have a body, what with all the abuse he took in this one! I agree whole-heartedly (although that might have something to do with the fact that Observer is my favorite MST3K baddy, but I digress).]

Stinger: Worm-faced Roger the Southern Man to Wormy-looking Mick the Antique Man: “You gon’ be de worm face!” [Femme’s Note (boy, I did a lot of these in this synopsis!): I’m just so very, very happy that they didn’t chose the part where Mick the Antique Man is running around shirtless—I’d be traumatized for life!!]

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