HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND
Opening Host Segment: I had no idea Crow was a syndicated columnist! Now I have a place to get vital information such as “TV shows aired last night” and “Could there be any more goose poop on my lawn?”!
Host Segment 1: Pearl decides to move the castle so doesn’t have to shell out 50 bucks a year for a monkey license. It makes no sense to Mike and the guys, but Bobo loves his humongous red tag. Pearl didn’t have time to pick a movie--psych! Bobo starts a chain bark that includes Crow and Tom.
Host Segment 2: The bots have (somehow) spun a giant spider web to catch “delicious” giant bugs (ewwwwwww!). Mike manages to get caught in it (either by leaping blindly across the bridge, springing from the theater like a gazelle, sprinting headlong into it, or pogo-sticking blindfolded across the bridge). The bots taunt him for a while, then leave him alone to fend off a giant spider.
Host Segment 3: Mike and the bots have dance auditions for the Mads. Bobo tries the old soft shoe (not good enough), Brain Guy does a scene from Flash Dance (actually, he looks pretty good in tights… what?). and Pearl does a little ballet (and promptly falls on her face). Brain Guy is in, but Pearl needs to give Mike “a little leg”. She hands over Brain Guy’s.
Host Segment 4: A good question is brought up by Crow: Is it true that when a woman is in a plane crash she becomes languid, helpless, and sex-starved… and she murmurs a lot? Mike decides to test this theory and crashes the satellite (shot of crashing satellite, Mike screaming, ‘nother shot of the satellite goin’ down, Crow and Servo screaming, *CRASH!*). True to the theory, the guys in wigs and dresses (Crow once again in him Mary Tyler Moore wig), are languid, helpless, and sex-starved, and they murmur a lot. They decide to do it one more time just for kicks.
Ending Host Segment: Mike gets bitten by a giant spider as he leaves the theater and becomes a very, um, Mike-ish spider (he’s still like 99.999% human). Meanwhile, the Mads have packed up the castle and headed back to the old ‘hood because of the neighborhood law against throwing garbage out the window. They check in from a gas station (Bobo is in the men’s room, Pearl and Brain Guy are in the ladies’), where Bobo ends up buying, erm, “balloons” from the men’s room vending machine. Pearl takes him outside to have a little talk about flowers and bees; Brain Guy confiscates the “balloons”.
Stinger: The plane takes a year to crash while several dancers scream like Germanic ninnies.
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